Just Surviving…
“How are you ?”. asked my therapist.
Despite months of medicines, therapy sessions, and a lot of insight about life, I still can’t confidently say “I’m doing well”. Because I know I’m trying hard enough to survive every day.
I feel weird about using the word “Survive”. It feels like I’m overstating my struggles. Because we only use such words in what’s generally known as dire situations of bigger scale like war. Sometimes I feel like all this is just a conspiracy to sell drugs. The other time I feel like lack of religious faith is my issue and at the worst time, I feel like there is no solution at all. I’m supposed to live through all this until I don’t have to.
Despite my valiant efforts, I always feel like I’m on the edge of drowning. I don’t want to talk to anyone about what bothers me. It ends in me getting frustrated and telling them to stop giving terrible advice. Sometimes it makes me feel like no one understands you.
That’s the saddest part. There are dozens of ways to express yourself. Texts, voice, emojis, gifs etc and you still can’t express your issues to the people who you thought knows you very well. The cherry on the topping was me miscalculating my ability to cope with emotional turmoil. It’s been a year post break up and I still feel miserable. Lack of social life added with the feeling of not reaching anywhere in life was more than enough to drown me in down in sorrows.
All this happens in an instant as well. Despite making fun of Mammootty having an existential crisis in the middle of a dance song, that’s the only way I can describe life. one moment I’m feeling fine, I’m smiling, I’m trying to do things, and just a few seconds later I feel like the most unfortunate person in the world.
So that’s my life and that’s my World. I don’t know what’s helping me survive but I do hope Allah gives me strength and help me overcome all this trouble. I do hope people suffering from mental health issues can find their way out without it affecting them.
P.S. Be nice to everyone, everyone is going through some kind of struggle.
